The Loss of a Pet

Written by David
November 29, 2011 7:55 am

This is from an article by Holly R. Frisby, DVM Drs. Foster & Smith Veterinary Services Department

The Loss of a Pet

Grief upon the loss of a pet is a normal response, and a very individual one. For some people, grieving for a pet that has died may be a more difficult process than grieving for a human loved one. One reason is that the support network of understanding and caring people may be smaller. If a person has lost a human loved one, the friends, family, co-workers, etc., will all understand. They may send cards, flowers, and offer food and companionship. This is often not the case when a pet dies. A funeral or memorial service for the deceased person will bring people together to provide mutual support and a sense of closure. Again, in most cases this does not occur upon the death of a pet. Hurtful comments such as “Don’t be so upset”, “It was only a cat”, and “You can get another one” may add to the grief and feeling of isolation and loneliness.

Stages of grief

We know that grieving is a complex process which includes a number of stages. These stages include: denial, bargaining, anger, sadness and resolution. The stages may come in a recognized sequence or they may appear as a complex series of emotions and feelings. The length of each stage varies with each person, and often among cultures. Some people may return to a particular stage, such as anger, time and again. Others may reach resolution quite quickly. It does not mean they loved their pet any less; it’s just their individual reaction to their loss. In most instances, the grieving process may continue for a few months to almost a year.

Denial: When we hear bad news, some of us have a tendency to deny it. We think it really isn’t true, that we didn’t “hear it right”, or “it can’t be as bad as that”. This is a defensive mechanism we use in an attempt to insulate ourselves from the emotional trauma we are, or are going to, experience.

Bargaining: When a human loved one is dying, many people may want to “bargain” with God. If you let my loved one live, then I’ll… Although this is not as common when a pet dies, many people still experience this stage of grief. Owners of a dying pet may also experience a different type of bargaining such as telling their pet, “If you recover, I will never scold you again”.

Anger: Anger is a common stage of grief that follows denial. Anger may be towards others such as the veterinarian or another family member. It may also be directed towards oneself in the form of guilt. We may say, “If I had only brought her to the veterinarian sooner, she would be okay.” Some owners may feel angry at the pet for leaving them alone.

Sorrow and Sadness: Sadness is the stage we most often think of as grief. For many people, losing a pet may be one of the saddest experiences they will ever have. We mourn our loss. We may find it difficult to eat, sleep or concentrate. We may not want to be around other people; but in reality, this is when we need understanding people the most. Talking to someone who understands our grief is a way to help the healing process begin. Caring people there can listen and help. If you do not know of anyone to talk to, you may wish to call a pet loss hotline. There are also books available written by people who understand the pain of losing a pet.

Resolution: Resolution is the final stage of the grieving process. At this point we are able to accept that our wonderful friend has died. We start focusing on the wonderful memories we have and the times we enjoyed together. At this point we may consider looking for a new pet, not to replace our lost friend, but to have someone to enjoy life with. There still may be times when we experience deep sadness, anger, or guilt at our loss, but we can recover from these times faster, and look forward rather than backward.

In addition to these stages, other emotional reactions may be seen. People can experience shock if the death of their pet was sudden and unanticipated, and may experience an emotional numbness. If a pet is missing, the uncertainty of what may have happened to the pet can produce worry and anxiety. When a pet disappears, children may be especially fearful of becoming lost or separated from their family.

Ambiguous loss

In an ambiguous loss, the whereabouts or cause of the death of the pet is unknown. The pet may have runaway or been stolen, or the owner may have needed to surrender the pet a humane shelter. In these situations, there is seldom any “closure”. The owner does not know when or if the pet has died or, if lost, whether the pet will ever come back. As a result, when to stop searching and when to start the grieving process are unsure. There may also be additional guilt associated with this type of loss.

How grief is expressed

In the book, The Human-Animal Bond and Grief, the authors describe five manifestations of grief.

Physical: Crying, nausea and loss of appetite, inability to sleep, fatigue, restlessness, and body aches and stiffness are typical manifestations of grief.

Intellectual: When grieving, people often experience an inability to concentrate, confusion, and a sense that time is passing very slowly.

Emotional: As described above, many emotions can be expressed in the course of the grieving process. Irritability, a lowered sense of self-worth, resentment and embarrassment are also common feelings.

Social: Some grieving persons often withdraw, may be reluctant to ask for help, and feel rejected by others. Others may show an increased dependency on other people, or an increased need to “keep busy” and over commit to activities.

Spiritual: The death of a pet may result in a person bargaining or feeling angry with God. The grieving person may try to find some meaningful interpretation of the death, and question what happens to pets after they die and whether pets have souls.

Help and healing

It has been shown the when grief can be expressed; the time needed for healing is often less. Similarly, if the expression of grief is restricted or withheld, the healing process may take much longer.

In addition to talking with others, to do something often helps us work through our grief. By doing something positive during this time of sadness, we expand our focus by celebrating the life of the pet. Activities, which may help, include:

Planting flowers or a tree in memory of the pet

Making a charitable donation

Holding a funeral or memorial service

Drawing a picture, making a clay sculpture or doing needlework of something that reminds you of your pet (you could do this yourself, or have it done by a professional)

Placing your pet’s nametag on your key ring

Writing a poem, song or story

Composing music or a song

Creating a memorial photo album or scrap book

Writing a letter to your pet

Framing a photograph

Volunteering your time

Persons who have a pet who has died need to talk to someone. Often family members and friends are very supportive, but in some instances they may not understand how important your pet was to you. It is important to find someone who does understand.

There are certain circumstances that can intensify the grief. If a person has recently suffered other losses, feels responsible for the death or has never fully grieved an earlier death, the grieving process is often more complex. If the pet died of a disease similar to one which the owner or a loved one currently has or has had in the past, the grief can also be compounded.

If the pet has shared a significant event in the owner’s life e.g., was a gift from spouse, the pet alerted the owner of a fire or otherwise “rescued” the owner, or the pet has “gotten them through” a difficult period in their life, grief can be compounded. When the pet was a significant source of support for the person, e.g., the person lived alone; adjusting to the death of the pet may be extremely difficult.

In some instances, when the pet dies, the owner also loses a significant activity. For instance, when a working dog dies, the owner has lost not only a pet, but also a co-worker, someone who has shared activities with the owner many hours of the day. Persons who lose an assistance dog may lose their independence and the ability to even perform simple daily activities.

Some children or adolescents can’t remember life without the pet. For them, too, loss of the pet may be especially difficult, and professional help may be indicated.

In all of these situations, talking to a professional experienced in grief counseling (bereavement counselors, clergy, social workers, physicians, psychologists) is often advised and can assist the healing process. Support groups, pet loss hotlines and books on pet loss can also be helpful.

Should I get another pet?

When or if you should get another pet varies with the individual and the choice is a personal one. Some people may want to find a new pet almost immediately. Sometimes they may have unrealistic expectations of the new pet, especially if they are getting a young, rambunctious animal after an older, mature one has died. Others need longer to work through their grief before they are physically and emotionally ready for another pet. In either case, we all know you are not replacing your pet, but finding another animal with which you can share life. Some people may find it is just not possible for them to have another pet. You need to do what’s right for you.

In general, you should give children some time before getting another pet. Getting a pet too soon may cause the child to feel guilty or disloyal, and they may have difficulty bonding to the new pet. The child may also think that if something happened to them, they would soon be forgotten and a substitute would be found. They need to understand that friendships can’t immediately be replaced.

Do animals grieve?

We all know of animals that have stopped eating, playing or interacting when another pet in the household has died. They are experiencing a loss of their own, plus they often sense the owner’s sorrow as well. After a pet dies, we can help the other pets in the household by keeping their routines as unchanged as possible. Increasing their activity through going for walks or playing with toys may be helpful. This will not only benefit your pet, but help you too.

If they are acting depressed or are not eating, be careful not to reinforce or reward their behavior. Giving them extra attention or different food when they behave this way may actually cause them to start using those behaviors as ways to obtain more attention or get special treats. The book When Elephants Weep: The Emotional Lives of Animals by Susan McCarthy and Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson discusses the many emotions of animals and you may find it an interesting and valuable resource.

 References

Beck, A; Katcher, A. Between Pets and People. Purdue University Press, West Lafayette IN; 1996.

DeNayer, S; Downing, R. Ease their pain: A soothing approach to euthanasia cases. Firstline. 1998 (April/May):14-18.

Hart, AH; Hart, BL; Mader, B. Humane euthanasia and companion animal death: Caring for the animal, the client, and the veterinarian. Journal of the American Veterinary Association. 1990;197(10):1292-1299.

Lagoni, L; Butler, C. Children and pet loss. Perspectives. 1994 (July/August): 43-48.

Lagoni, L; Butler, C. Facilitating euthanasia decisions. The Compendium on Continuing Education for the Practicing Veterinarian. 1994 (Nov):1469-1475, 1489.

Lagoni, L; Butler, C; Hetts, S. The Human-Animal Bond and Grief. WB Saunders Co., Philadelphia PA; 1994.

Rosenberg, MA. Companion Animal Loss and Pet Owner Grief. ALPO Petfoods, Inc., Lehigh PA; 1993.

Ross, CB; Baron-Sorenson, J. Veterinarian’s Guide to Counseling Grieving Clients. American Veterinary Publications, Inc. and Veterinary Medicine Publishing Group, Lenexa KS; 1994.

Soares, CJ. When a child’s pet dies… Supplement to Veterinary Economics. 1996 (August):10-13.

Categories: Pets

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Current Statistics:

Written by Anita Bates
7:52 am

Year-To-Date Active/Sold Overview (January 1 through September 30, 2011)

The chart below represents year-to-date activity in the 4 major south central Alaska communities compared with the same time period in 2010

Current active inventory in Anchorage and Wasilla continues to remain lower than last year.  Palmer, which showed higher inventory in the first 6 months of 2011, now has fewer homes on the market than last year.  Eagle River continues to have higher inventory than 2010.

The average sale price has decreased in all areas except Wasilla, which is demonstrating a gradually improving market.

The total number of sold properties is higher this year, while the number of days on market is lower in all 4 areas and the percentage of list price to sale price continues at a healthy 98% – 102%.

The market continues to be fairly stable through the 3^rd quarter of 2011.    The slight variations in inventory, number of sales and sale prices are not necessarily indicative of any major downward or upward market trends. 

We will include a year- end statistical overview in our first issue of 2012.

	Total Active	Days on Market	Total Sold	Ave. Sale Price*	% of List
	2010/2011	2010/2011	2010/2011	2010/2011	2010/2011
Anchorage	3034/2993	112/96	1355/1366	$329K/$321K	99/99
Eagle River	668/698	108/95	270/325	$343K/$332K	99/102
Palmer	587/540	150/122	201/228	$227K/$220K	98/98
Wasilla	1523/1504	154/120	568/580	$224K/$227K	99/99

*Rounded to nearest thousand of sale price.

Categories: Anchorage,Buying a Home,Home Sales

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Saying goodbye…

Written by Anita Bates
7:47 am

At different times in our lives, we all say goodbye to someone we have cared for deeply.   We are sad to announce that we said goodbye to our dear little Mr. Mac in September.    Although he was not that old, he had severe kidney failure and acute pancreatitis, both conditions irreversible and fatal.

 

I will miss him playing “soccer” with his Mickey Mouse ball in the back yard.   He’d run it so hard, pushing it with his muzzle, and make it bounce against the fence, high in the air so it would land in the flower beds.  Then he would bark at us to go get his ball out of the garden because he knew he wasn’t allowed to get it himself.  Other times, when he chased the ball so it got stuck in some far corner of the yard, he’d come “ask” for help in finding his “lost” ball.

 

I still see him lying in the cool green grass, his little black eyes squinting against the sun and his little black wet nose busily sniffing all the interesting scents that came through the yard.  I loved watching him.  He was always ready to play and have fun, and always happy to see me.

 

Unfortunately, in the grand scheme of things, we have to accept that our time with our pets is limited and we never know when or how they will leave us.   While they share our lives they bring us great joy, and that is why we miss them so much when they are gone.   All we can do is love and care for them while they are with us, remember the special times we had together, and cherish the memories they leave behind.

Categories: Company News,General topics

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Grandma Gillespie’s Savory Oven Ribs*

Written by Anita Bates
November 28, 2011 12:15 pm

3 lbs. boneless pork ribs                                

1 medium onion – chopped                           

½ cup chopped celery                                               

3 Tbsp. lemon juice                                        

½ cup water                                                   

2-4 Tbsp. Worcestershire sauce                    

1 Tbsp. margarine or bacon fat

1 Tbsp. vinegar

1 Tbsp. sugar

½ Tbsp. mustard

2 tsp. salt

Dash of cayenne pepper

 Wipe spareribs with clean damp cloth & cut into 1 ½” pieces.  Place in shallow baking pan, sprayed w/non-stick coating and bake for 30 minutes at 350 degrees.

Sauté onion in margarine or bacon fat for 5 minutes.   Add celery, vinegar, sugar, lemon juice, mustard, water, salt, cayenne and Worcestershire sauce and simmer another 5 minutes.

Pour over spareribs and bake another hour, basting occasionally.  Serve with mashed potatoes, rice, or noodles.

*David’s mom, Aileen Gillespie, made these for us when she visited us this summer.  They make a great dish for a fall dinner!

Categories: Yum-m-m!!!

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Salmon Fettuccine Alfredo

Written by Anita Bates
August 25, 2011 3:10 pm

¾ lb. Fettuccine

2 cups flaked cooked salmon

2 cups halved grape or cherry tomatoes

2 – 3 garlic cloves, minced

1 – 16 oz. jar Alfredo sauce

2 – 3 Tbsp. butter

Grated parmesan

salt & pepper

Cook fettuccine according to package directions. Drain.  Sauté minced garlic in butter over medium heat 2 – 3 minutes.  Add tomatoes and sauté 3 – 5 minutes longer, until tomatoes are soft and juicy.  Add Alfredo sauce, reduced heat and simmer for 3 – 5 minutes, until heated through.  Gently fold cooked salmon into sauce and allow to warm over low heat.  Toss sauce with pasta and serve with grated parmesan.

Good with crisp green salad!

Categories: Yum-m-m!!!

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Mortgage Interest Deduction – At Risk?

Written by Anita Bates
3:07 pm

In our Spring issue (Vol. 2 – 2011) we commented on how important the Mortgage Interest Deduction (MID) is to American families.  According to the National Association of Realtors, 91% of homeowners who claim the deduction make less than $200,000 per year, making this tax break one of the most significant benefits of home ownership.

Unfortunately, the current national economic climate may put this valuable tool at risk. 

The Budget Control Act of 2011 (Debt Ceiling Agreement) signed into law on August 2, 2011, provides for creation of a “Super Committee” comprised of 6 members of the Senate and 6 members of the House of Representatives, with each of the political parties represented equally.  This “Super Committee” is charged with identifying $1.5 Trillion in deficit reductions to be achieved within the next 10 years.  The target can be achieved either through revenue increases or actual spending cuts   These must be identified no later than December, 2011, in order to avoid automatic across the board spending cuts that are penalties for failure to meet the time lines specified in the Act.

Even though, as passed, the Budget Control Act of 2011 has no direct impact on real estate tax rules or spending provisions, the rules concerning mortgage interest deduction may be at risk for substantial change as the “Super Committee” looks for ways to increase income.  Estimates say that the “cost” of the MID is from $25 to $80 billion per year in lost tax revenues, making the elimination or modification of the MID a very tempting target.

While curbing or eliminating the mortgage tax break has been talked about for years, it is now on the table as never before, so don’t be surprised if the MID is included in the recommendations for budget cuts and revenue increases that will be unveiled in the coming months.

Categories: General topics,law,Taxes

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Announcing!!!!

Written by Anita Bates
3:04 pm

I am pleased to announce that Governor Parnell has appointed me to the Alaska Real Estate Commission. 

The Alaska Real Estate Commission (AREC) is a board that regulates and controls licensing issues for Alaska’s real estate industry.  The Commission also manages the recovery fund established for the benefit of consumers who have been monetarily damaged in a real estate transaction.

In other words, it is the regulatory entity for real estate and is charged with ensuring that the general public is protected from unprofessional and unethical acts on the part of real estate licensees.  In addition, the Board enacts regulations to assure that real estate licensees know their duties and responsibilities to consumers in a real estate transaction

My current term extends through March of 2015, and I have the opportunity to reapply for another 4 years

Make no mistake, though.  This is not a paid position and I will still need to list and sell homes to make a living. 

So…. If you or any of your friends, family or acquaintances are interested in real estate, please feel free to give them my contact information. I’d appreciate your endorsement!

Thank you!

Anita Bates

Categories: General topics,law

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My Pet Sheds All Over!

Written by David
3:02 pm

The shedding of hair is a normal and ongoing process for most domestic dogs and cats.  Excessive shedding generally occurs in the spring and fall with the changing of major seasons.  Old hair is released so that new hair of the right consistency and insulation factor may grow in.

In the winter, hair fluffs up to provide insulation from the cold.  For this reason, matted hair does not protect a dog or cat from cold.  Some pets (especially the cold weather breeds like Elkhounds, Huskies, or Samoyeds) also have an undercoat of soft downy hair to protect them from extreme cold.  This undercoat may come out in the spring and fall by the handful as new undercoat grows in.  In the summer, hair can also function to protect pets from overheating by insulating against the heat of the sun.

Since most pets spend at least part of their time indoors, and are often exposed to air conditioning and heating systems, their bodies may begin to start shedding hair year round.

Shedding is best controlled by regular grooming, either by brushing at home or with professional grooming services, or a combination of both.  Keep in mind that regardless of how much hair might be removed at a grooming shop, even with special products, nothing will remove all the loose hair and give you back a non-shedding dog.

Hair is also shed whenever a pet is nervous or excited.  You have probably noticed that your pet sheds more than normal during a visit to the vet.  This is because the pet’s nervousness causes the skin to tighten, which forces out any loose hair.  And when you pick him up from the groomer, the same thing occurs – his excitement loosens up hair that was not able to be removed (or ready to be shed) during the grooming process.

Some diseases can promote poor hair growth and shedding.  If your pet experiences unexplained hair loss, or you suspect there may be a medical condition causing the excessive shedding, it is always wise to consult a veterinarian.

Good diet, regular brushing, and special attention during spring and fall shedding seasons will help keep the extra hair off of your clothes and floors.

Used with the permission of Pet Services Journal By Sally Smith CKO, LVT

l

Categories: Pets

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Bigger Isn’t Always Better….

Written by Anita Bates
July 18, 2011 7:02 am

What makes a great real estate experience?  Is it the size of the company, the amount of advertising it does, or the fact that it is part of a national franchise, like McDonalds? Or is it something else?  Let’s face it, just because a company is larger doesn’t make it more effective.

In real estate people do business with people, not a company and it is more important to know what your real estate professional will do for you than who they are affiliated with.

If you think about it, the same tools are available to anyone in real estate:   Access to the Multiple Listing Service, advertising mediums such as a website, newsletters and mailings, and connections with service providers for mortgage, insurance and other home purchase resources. 

So what makes the difference?  A positive experience in real estate comes from having a relationship with a professional who is able to provide detailed attention to your personal situation, whether it is buying or selling a property. 

I believe that communication is 90% of a real estate transaction so the person you select must be someone you can communicate with.  You deserve to have someone representing you that is knowledgeable in the process and experienced in keeping things organized and on track.  You deserve to have someone that is innovative enough to find creative solutions to problems that invariably occur in any real estate transaction.

I’ve been fortunate to work with many of my clients on multiple transactions and have been honored by the fact that they referred family and friends to me as well.  I’d like to think this is because I’m doing something right. 

So please remember, bigger isn’t always better!

If there is a real estate transaction in your future, or if someone you know might be buying or selling, I’d greatly appreciate an opportunity to interview for the job.

Categories: Buying a Home,First Time Home Buyers,Selling a Home

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BLT Salad

Written by Anita Bates
June 23, 2011 1:28 pm

16 cups torn Romaine, 4 oz. can sliced olives, drained, 2 cups sliced mushrooms, ½ cup sliced green onions, 2 cups cherry or grape tomatoes, halved, 8 slices bacon (or more ).                                  

For Dressing: 1 cup mayonnaise, ½ cup beef consommé, 3 large garlic cloves, pressed, 1 ½ Tbsp. wine vinegar. Combine all ingredients in blender and chill 2-4 hours to allow it to thicken and flavors to blend.

Cut bacon into ½ inch pieces and fry till crisp.  Drain on paper towels.

 Toss romaine, olives, mushrooms, sliced green onions and tomatoes with dressing.  Divide among salad plates and top (liberally)  with fried bacon.

Categories: Yum-m-m!!!

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